{"id":35483,"date":"2024-08-15T19:27:33","date_gmt":"2024-08-15T23:27:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/spence-chapin.org\/?p=35483"},"modified":"2024-08-21T14:05:22","modified_gmt":"2024-08-21T18:05:22","slug":"blog-de-noelle-parte-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/spence-chapin.org\/es\/noelle-blog-part3\/","title":{"rendered":"El viaje de adopci\u00f3n de Noelle (tercera parte): aprender y vivir a trav\u00e9s de la adopci\u00f3n abierta"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

This is the first part of a special three-part series written by Noelle, who made an adoption plan for her son 20 years ago. She reached out to share her personal experience through pregnancy, choosing an adoptive family, giving birth, open adoption and her relationship with her son, hoping it will help others in their journeys. <\/em><\/em><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Start from the beginning: Read Part One<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

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Noelle\u2019s story is a powerful reminder of the profound impact of support and understanding in the adoption journey. She reached out to share her experience, hoping it brings comfort to anyone navigating the complexities of adoption. When asked what she would want someone in her shoes to know, she said, \u201cI would want them to know there is relief ahead. As alone as I felt, after I started working with Spence-Chapin, I felt I had a resource, and I didn\u2019t feel any pressure after that. [Placing a child for adoption is] such a personal decision. You should feel secure in your decision and know WHY you are making this decision. For me, it was very spiritual… my hardest experience was also my greatest blessing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No matter what your connection to adoption is, hearing these personal journeys can provide valuable perspective and comfort. We recognize the emotional complexities and challenges that come with adoption and are here to offer support. To talk through our services, please call us at 212-369-0300. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Part Three: Learning and Living Through Open Adoption<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

About a month after placement, we had our first post-adoption visit at the agency. I\u2019d gotten pictures and emails prior to that meeting and I was so excited every time I received their mail. We decided our first meeting should be at the agency since we were still in the early stages of our relationship, but after that meeting, we felt comfortable going to each other\u2019s houses and making our own arrangements outside of the agency.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Mary Alyce is a social worker and was sensitive to all parties involved in an open adoption. We both understood how vital it was to be honest and open with Luke. I felt truly blessed to find such understanding, open, loving people to place my child with. We were all on the same page as to what we thought was best for him and we all agreed that the more people who love him, the better.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

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From then on, things flowed naturally. We didn\u2019t follow a set plan of when to meet up or send updates; we just kept in touch and made things up as we went along. I was finishing up college and they had their busy lives, so we made plans around what worked with our schedules. Our first Christmas Eve was spent together at their house, which started a tradition we keep every year. We spent his birthdays together, went to museums, zoos, attended his sports games, or just hung out at their house. It was natural and easy. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

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My favorite tradition that they started was the \u201cBirth family BBQ\u201d they had every summer. My family and their daughter\u2019s birth family would all go to their house for a beautiful BBQ. I come from a large family so my parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins, aunts, etc. would all come. It was always such a beautiful experience; love overflowed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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As Luke approached his teenage years, as expected, he spent more time with friends, wasn\u2019t as talkative, and wasn\u2019t the little boy who just wanted to play when I came over anymore. I never took it personally as I understood this was a normal part of his development. After I got married and started a new family, my feelings for Luke and his adoptive family never changed. They visited me in the hospital after each of my kids were born, and we carried on our tradition of spending Christmas Eve together.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, through the years I always worried about how I would tell Luke about his biological father. I knew I\u2019d be honest and wouldn\u2019t hide anything, but also had to explain things to him in an age-appropriate way. Mary Alyce and John knew this was a difficult subject for me and would gently ask Luke from time to time if he had any questions about his birth father. He always said \u201cno\u201d until last summer when he was 19. He asked Mary Alyce to see a picture of him. She reached out to me first and we found a picture to show him.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I nearly had a panic attack just looking at his picture, as it brought back so many unpleasant memories. Luke didn\u2019t have much to say after she showed him the picture – just a few basic questions. I saw it as my opportunity to tell him (now that he was older and expressed some curiosity) that if he ever had any questions about anything, I am always here. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, I\u2019m navigating a new hurdle \u2013 how to explain the situation to my four younger sons. They know Mary Alyce and John and Luke as our close friends (almost like aunt and uncle and cousin) but they don\u2019t know that Luke is their half-brother whom I placed with for adoption. I\u2019ve been unsure how to explain everything since they are so young, and since the questions have never arisen, I guess I\u2019ve been avoiding it.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Very recently, my oldest casually asked, \u201cWhy do you have a picture of Luke on your dresser too?\u201d I have pictures of my four other sons on my dresser as well. Caught off guard, I responded, \u201cWell, Mary Alyce gave me the picture and I love him too, so I thought my dresser was a good spot for it.\u201d Addressing this is a weight on my shoulders, and I know I will have to have the conversation with them sooner rather than later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I\u2019ve watched Luke, my first son, grow up and develop into the man he is today. Looking back at the situation I was in 20 years ago and seeing where we\u2019re all at now is beyond anything I could have imagined. I\u2019ve learned so much about myself and life that I\u2019m not sure I would have if I hadn\u2019t gone through this. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

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I\u2019ve learned to be thankful for joy and pain\u2014as they both teach you. I\u2019ve learned to listen to the voice inside you\u2014your gut\u2014and not all the external noise. And most importantly, I\u2019ve learned to try my absolute hardest to live life through the lenses of love and empathy for all.  <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

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Make sure to read part one<\/a> and part two <\/a>of Noelle’s journey where she discusses her pregnancy, giving birth, and choosing an adoptive family for her son.<\/em><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When asked what she would want someone in her shoes to know, Noelle said, \u201cI would want them to know there is relief ahead. As alone as I felt, after I started working with Spence-Chapin, I felt I had a resource, and I didn\u2019t feel any pressure after that. [Placing a child for adoption is] such a personal decision. You should feel secure in your decision and know WHY you are making this decision. For me, it was very spiritual\u2026 my hardest experience was also my greatest blessing.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Spence-Chapin offers comprehensive support services in making an adoption plan<\/a>, and lifelong support for birth parents<\/a>. If you have any questions, please contact us at info@spence-chapin.org. <\/em><\/em><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is the first part of a special three-part series written by Noelle, who made an adoption plan for her son 20 years ago. She reached out to share her personal experience through pregnancy, choosing an adoptive family, giving birth, open adoption and her relationship with her son, hoping it will help others in their journeys.  […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":43,"featured_media":35492,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"give_campaign_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-35483","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nNoelle\u2019s Adoption Journey \u2014 Part Three: Learning and Living Through Open Adoption - Spence-Chapin<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"About a month after placement, we had our first post-adoption visit at the agency. 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