{"id":7158,"date":"2016-09-20T01:47:53","date_gmt":"2016-09-19T13:47:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/spence-chapin.org\/blog-general-post-adoption-depression-the-elusive-happily-ever-after\/"},"modified":"2020-01-08T07:23:10","modified_gmt":"2020-01-07T19:23:10","slug":"post-adoption-depression-the-elusive-happily-ever-after","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/spence-chapin.org\/yue\/post-adoption-depression-the-elusive-happily-ever-after\/","title":{"rendered":"Post Adoption Depression: The Elusive “Happily Ever After”"},"content":{"rendered":"

What are the signs of post adoption depression and what can you do to help yourself feel better?
\nAfter all we\u2019ve been through to adopt our child, we expect bliss. We deserve bliss!  And sometimes we get bliss. But sometimes instead of that euphoric feeling of accomplishment and love, we feel let down, exhausted, unprepared, and sad.<\/p>\n

Truth be told, these are common feelings of all new parents regardless of how their kids join their family, but they can be worsened by the stress of adoption and the shame we feel.<\/p>\n

Post Adoption Depression<\/strong><\/p>\n

Post partum depression or the baby blues is often talked about in our society (thank you Brooke Shields), and struggling new mothers are met with sympathy and support. Not so with post adoption depression or post adoption blues. Shame and our society\u2019s general lack of understanding get in the way of support and acceptance.<\/p>\n

Most adoptive mothers I talk with feel confused and guilty when they feel sad and irritable after their long awaited child finally arrives\u2013and the key words are long awaited<\/em>. This is the child that we\u2019ve worked years to get. This is the child that we\u2019ve probably spent a huge chunk of our savings to get. This is a child that we\u2019ve been studied and questioned by heaven-knows how many experts to get. Now that we finally have her, we should be overjoyed. Right? If instead of feeling euphoric, we feel depressed, angry, and not besotted with love, then there must be something wrong with us. Right?<\/p>\n

The shame that many parents feel makes it hard to get help and support. Who can they trust with this \u201cdirty little secret\u201d. They are afraid to tell their adoption social worker for fear that somehow their child will be taken away or they won\u2019t be able to adopt again. They are afraid to tell their family and friends for fear that they won\u2019t understand and that they will look ungrateful. This aloneness makes the depression worse.<\/p>\n

It helps to know that Post Adoption Depression is common. On a Creating a Family Radio show on Post Adoption Depression: Causes and Prevention<\/a>, Dr. Jane Aronson, adoption medicine specialist and founder and Chief Executive of the Worldwide Orphan Foundation<\/a>, said that almost all of her patients feel conflicted emotions the first couple of months after they adopt, and about 75-85% report feeling sad or depressed.<\/p>\n

Dr. Aronson thinks that post adoption depression is often caused by a mismatch of expectations with reality. And let\u2019s face it, most of us have had a lot of years to build up unrealistic expectations.<\/p>\n

Risk factors include adopting a school aged child, being an older or single parent, stress (financial, familial, etc.), and unresolved grief from infertility. Most of the time these feeling resolve within about six months when life begins to settle in and develop patterns, and you and your child begin to know each other.<\/p>\n

What to Do If You Think You Have Post Adoption Depression<\/strong><\/p>\n

If after about 6 months or so, or if your feelings of despair or anger are more than moderate, get help!<\/p>\n